Yes, This Will Be On the Test

Writing, Reading, Laughing

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The Writer's Voice - Moon Strings by Leslie S. Rose


“The Writer’s Voice” is a multi-blog, multi-agent contest hosted by Cupid of Cupid’s Literary Connection, Brenda Drake of Brenda Drake Writes, Monica B.W. of Love YA, and Krista Van Dolzer of Mother. Write. (Repeat.). It's based on NBC’s singing reality show The Voice, so the four hosts will serve as coaches and select projects for their teams based on queries and first pages.





I'm honored to be a participant in this wildly generous opportunity for hopeful writers to bring their stories into the light.

Query:

I offer MOON STRINGS, a YA science fiction love story, with a word count of 82,000 for your consideration. 

Everyone in fifteen-year-old Mellylora Whisper’s life is bent on forcing her into a tidy package of obligations. Her royal godparents press her to commit to a future with First-son Prince Jexa. Her military father insists she channel her science genius to aid the Echo Galaxy in their endless dance of defense against the decaying Earth. Jexa pleads with her to control her manic impulses and focus on duty.

Mellylora has a different vision. She is determined to oppose her galaxy’s directive and save the Earth, not battle it. She’s only got the summer moon cycle to be taken seriously before mounting expectations pull her under.

When Mellylora enters a tri-planetary scientific competition, hoping for a win to validate her Earth project, brilliance does not work in her favor. She attracts the eye of a high level galactic leader who is turning traitor to the Echo Galaxy. Through his network of turncoats, that includes Prince Jexa's younger brother, he blackmails Mellylora to commit her talents and loyalties to his dark purposes.

The expectations Mellylora once resented, especially the one that kept Jexa by her side, dissolve into dreams that are losing their chance to come true.

1st 250:
Mellylora Whisper wanted to see the sky one last time before she died. She flattened her body against the clear-steel of the balcony floor, limbs splayed like a starfish, straining to find any thread of blue peeking through the labyrinth of towers that sprang up between the Larkan Academy and the sea. The cold transparent metal under her cheek battled the flush spiking from her chest to her face.

The urgent-imperative signal screeched in the dorm room behind her. Mellylora’s ears throbbed as the wail sprang from her connectik communicator and bounced off each bare wall. The emergency frequency had activated the shields that slammed down over every clear-steel window, blocking her view. The only way to see the sky was through the balcony floor.

A cloudbird shot beneath her on its flight to the sea. She pressed the side of her face harder into the clear-steel until her cheekbone ached, but she was able to follow the creature’s flight through the forest of towers. There. Between the twin spires of the side-by-side government buildings, Mellylora found her sliver of sky.

The security panel above her bed showed no warning lights for fire or internal air contamination so the signal could mean only one thing. Warships from Earth that continually swarmed the Galactic Gate had breached the Echo Galaxy’s defenses. This attack had always been deemed improbable. Mellylora prayed for the day impossible would replace improbable. As the ectographic red-orange emergency aurora waved above her connectik communicator, improbable became inevitable.  

39 comments:

  1. A tri-planetary competition? Awesome! Good luck!

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  2. Mellylora is going through a lot and I love her name. Sounds like a great story.

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  3. great query and opening, Leslie. You did an awesome including the sensory description. I even heard the bird, then realized the noise was coming from outside my window. :)

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  4. You made it, too! So did I!!! Wahoo! Crosses fingers for both of us.

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  5. Yay for Moon Strings!!! *shakes pom poms and other stuff*

    I'm so glad this query and opening are getting read and appreciated. Good luck!

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  6. Sounds like an interesting premise. And I love that you have a scientific genius MC.

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  7. Very good! I'd like to read more! My tongue (in my head) stumbles over her first name, hope they call her by a nickname.

    Heather

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    1. Hey Heather. I promise the name isn't tongue-stumbly. It's Meh-lee-lora. I wanted a unique name for my quirky little friend even though in most of the story she goes by Melly.

      Sending virtual hugs to everyone for all the positive vibes. You rock!

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  8. Glad to see you're in the contest too! Great 250 words! I want to read on!

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  9. Well done! New follower here...checking out entries and yours is quite the nail on the head for a great book full of galaxy adventures!

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  10. You had me at YA sci fi. I love the first line! Sounds like a great story! I love the alien defying her kind to save earth aspect. Good luck! :)

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  11. Yes, wonderful first line. Good luck!

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  12. I LOVE the beginning of your story! Yay sci-fy!

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  13. Great 250, definitely caught my interest. Best of luck. :)

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  14. Good luck Leslie! This sounds awesome.

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  15. Glad to see some science fiction! This sounds great.
    Best of luck!

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  16. I love the title Moonstrings!
    Ad Mellylora is such a quaint name... too cute!

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    1. Good Luck Leslie! *fingers crossed*
      What an opportunity!!

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  17. Some interesting worldbuilding going here. I'd def read on to see how far you push it. G'luck!

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  18. Love this! You've got a beautiful voice and it draws me right into your world! Good luck!!

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  19. I'm glad your MC wants to save the earth and not fight it....since I rather like living here :)

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  20. I love the first line of your 250! And a smart science girl for a MC - way to go!

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  21. LR - you know I'm a fan of your work. :D

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  22. WOW everyone. Your encouraging words really touch my heart. Thank you so much.

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  23. Hi! I don't read much sci-fi, but this sounds so imaginative. Such creative words (cloudbird? connectik communicator?) and I love the idea of a tri-planetary science competition. Sounds great, so good luck! p.s. I absolutely love the name of your website.

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  24. Super writing, Leslie. Congratulations.

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  25. What a wonderful start! I love that first line- it is so powerful and intriguing. I so enjoyed the excerpt. Yeah! Best of luck. ;)
    ~Jess

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  26. This sounds like an AMAZING read. Best of luck to you!!

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  27. Great concept! Love the intro! Good luck!

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  28. Love the feel of this science fiction! Full of emotion and detail. Love that Melly has a different vision than everyone's expectations!

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  29. Wow...this looks awesome! What an intriguing first paragraph!

    Sarah Allen
    (From Sarah With Joy)

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  30. Very nice! Excellent tension in the first lines and love the world building! Good luck, this looks like a fun read!

    --Suzanne
    www.suzannewarr.com

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  31. Love it! Our MCs have a lot of similarities which is super cool. Best of luck to you too!

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  32. Didn't I comment on yours already? Must have gotten eaten! Love all the jargon and specificity in your worldbuilding.

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  33. Wow. You start off with a bang. I'm curious about what happens next. That first line is a great hooker.

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  34. Holy frick, this is awesome! I want to read the rest desperately!!

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