Stealing Characters

Yes, I admit it.  I am a character thief.  Beware if you know me, you will probably end up in a story.  Everyone in my immediate air space is unsafe.  I’ve fictionalized my entire family, pets included.  This habit of mine makes the likelihood that I will someday end up in the witness protection program highly probable.

Here are some of my offenses:

1. The Direct Steal: No one is immune.  I’ve taken your looks, your accent, your clothing, your occupation, your quirks, your morals, that questionable hair-do, and possibly even your name.
2. The Mash Up: I love it on GLEE when they take two songs and combine them for a mini medley.  My favorite character mash up is to take two people who absolutely HATE each other and morph their beings into one person.  Ah, inner conflict.
3. The Magic Genie/Djinn:  I am personally attached to this infraction.  I take the unfortunate incidents in your life and give you a fabulous outcome instead.  Make no mistake, I give the bad stuff to someone else, but you get a free pass this time.
4. The Flaw Machine: Remember the “spanking machine” that we of a certain age were subjected to in grade school on our birthdays?  I pummel you with the exposure of every character flaw I have uncovered in your soul.
5. The “That’s not you.  It’s one of my college boyfriends.”: Swear.  Totally swear.  The likeness is purely coincidental.
6. Stranger Danger: I love to sit on a bench with my notebook and spy my hiney off.  I lift people and their dialogue off the street and slap them in my journal.  Las Vegas and Disneyland are my two favorite thieving venues.  If you see someone furiously writing in a notebook…flee…it’s me.