Holiday Spying

Tis the season when we get together with many of those we usually don’t spend time with, be they relatives, old neighbors, or far away friends.  Tis also the season to quietly note their quirks, faux paus, and missteps as tidbits to use in future writing.  Whip that notepad out before you forget the cousin who has the same name as the dog, or the gigantic mole on the side of “you know who’s” nose that you tried not to look at during dinner.

Here are the top ten notables of my holiday season:

#10: Format error

Blu-ray for regular DVD player – now mom will NEVER see the genius of Will Ferrell in ELF

 #9: Muttonchops

Please tell me they’re not back in style except for reincarnated civil war presidents

#8: Loss of personal space

No there is not enough room for you to join us on the couch

#7: Using salt instead of sugar in the Christmas cookies

Maybe to bake a fine salt lick for the neighborhood deer

#6: Ear picking with gusto

Enough said

#5: Leaving leftovers on the counter for 3 hours and declaring you can still eat them without dying of botulism

Just say no, or discreetly spit out the unfortunate bite when no one is looking

#4: Playing a version of Christmas carols that sound like a funeral requiem

You can feel religious guilt seeping from the speakers.  Is there an ABBA Christmas album?

#3: Spilling the Santa beans to someone else’s child because your kids have figured it out and you stopped being careful

Quick, break out the Santa GPS tracking on line and lie your head off

#2: How many husbands did you say you’ve had?

Turn your filters ON before holiday get togethers

And the #1 highlight of my Holiday 2010:

The singing, twitching, light-up elf hat

Especially inappropriate when placed in lap instead of on top of head

Love to hear some of yours.  I promise not to steal.  Cowabunga 2011.